12/2/09 Midday Report: What goes up, Must go up

The market keeps rallying as it seeks to prove the little known old adage that what goes up, must go up (if it is inflated with sealed in non-decaying helium).  Spurring the rally is the dollar's continued demise.  It has now not just fallen lower than Eliot Spitzer's dignity, but is rapidly approaching Tiger Woods' (and seriously, with all of the money Tiger makes, this is what he is spending it on???  Really?  If that doesn't prove the dollar's decline in purchasing power, then I don't know what does.  Quick Tiger Woods joke:  What is the difference between a cowboy and Tiger Woods (and this is for you English majors and logophiles so follow closely)?  One drives "steers" on a range, and the other fucks dirty whores.).

Emerging markets also continue to rally as Dubai's debt problems are being swept under the proverbial rug (and at least his time it is a nice persian rug as opposed to the usual crap you would buy at Bombay Company.  What?  Bombay Company is out of business?  Fuck.).

In other market news, GM asked it's CEO to resign after his 100 day plan apparently sucked balls (which would be good had GM been competing with RICK, but unfortunately they are still in the car making business.  And Money McBags does love him some RICK which is trading at less than 7x next year's potential earnings and has yet to have any problems with the authorities for "whoring.").  Anyway, the point is, if turning around GM were easy, it would have already been done.  The fact is people don't have jobs, thus don't have money and banks aren't lending so even if people wanted to buy a crappy car, they couldn't.  So Money McBags' advice to GM is to liquidate their assets and retrofit their factories to produce shit PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT (caps intended).  Did any GM CEO ever think of that?  They never thought people may not want their shitty product?  Guess what?  My "shit in a bag" business never took off because not enough people wanted the product (plus all of the restrictions on selling feces through interstate mail and the fact that I had no production competitive advantage no matter how many hard-boiled eggs I ate.).  So you know what I did?  I shut it down.  You can't run a business selling a product people don't want to buy, it is common fucking sense.

Finally, a jobs estimate came out today which said US businesses shed another 169k jobs last month which was worse than the 150k expected.  Of course expectations are irrelevant and what matters most is people are still losing jobs.  No one is going to buy a crappy GM car until they are employed, so maybe the new CEO of GM should just hire the fuck out of people with his gov't funds and then require each employee to buy 2 GM cars.  Two problems solved, the economy picks up, and GM continues to produce shit people don't want, but now they can actually sell it.  Done and done.  Why the fuck am I not running this economy?

Anyway, the trends continue as the dollar is dropping, gold is becoming bubblerific, and emerging markets are not just emerging but they now need to be put on a logarithmic chart.  Nothing to see here.