4/5/2010 Midday Report: iPad so awesome it even creates jobs

It's the jobs, stupid.  Good Friday was great Friday for the economy as investors got the day off to spend their hard earned dollars on cheap imported crap from China while the Labor Department released monthly data showing 162k jobs had been created.  Labor Department Secretary (though Money McBags prefers the more politically correct term Labor Department Administrative Assistant) Hilda Solis, was heard exclaiming "it's on bitches" after the report was released and was seen vociferously taunting "I got your fucking jobs right here."  Sure the economy has lost 8MM jobs during the recession, but at this rate we will have gained them all back in four short years, just in time for the next bubble to be burst (China anyone?).  Before we get more excited by the jobs report than we were to find out that the lovely Anna Paquin is bisexual, the numbers need to be looked at objectively.  While 162 jobs were created, 40k were temp jobs (likely people being hired to clean out the offices of those recently laid off), 48k were temporary census workers hired to make sure people correctly fill in the boxes (perhaps they should have just hired Peter North to make a box-filling instructional video), and the number of jobs created lagged the guesses of economists.  Still, jobs are fucking jobs so even if they are mostly temporary, the more people who are employed, the fewer people the government has to support (like the 16.8% of Americans who are underemployed), and the more money people will not be saving in order to buy iPads they can't afford.  So hooooooooooofuckingray.  In other US macro news, pending sales of US homes rose 8.2% which is the second biggest gain on record, nudging out the "buy one get one free" promotion installed by Alan Greenspan in late 2001.  Finally, the ISM services index jumped to 55.4 from 53 and above economist guesses of 54.  Money McBags has no idea what this means but anything above expectations is good, unless expecations were for the number of new AIDS patients, the number of Kathy Bates nude scenes in existence, or the number of gangbangs in which your current girlfriend has taken part.

In stock news, the iPad is out which means any day now cancer will be cured, there will be peace in the middle east, and we will finally get money shots in to lesbian porn because the iPad is that fucking good.  Sales of the iPad on opening weekend were stronger than Magnus Ver Magnusson after a week long double steroid cycle and analysts have upped their price targets on AAPL to what ever is a bit higher than infinity.  According to reports, 300k iPads were sold over the weekend with expectations now for ~5MM sales for the year which is more than the population of Ireland, Singapore, or Paris Hilton's pants.

In small cap news, the Apple momentum continues to push CRUS higher (Money McBags broke CRUS down again for all of you last week) while FHCO perhaps forgot to protect itself this morning and is down 4% on no news other than it has run about $1 too much.  Money McBags is more short of time this week than Dennis Hopper is so he likely won't be able to provide dick jokes or market analysis until Thursday.  He may pop up on twitter now and again or be able to pop out some quick analysis Tuesday night, but for the next few days you're all more on your own than a deep thinker at a Tea Party.  Stocks for all of you to keep an eye on include TMRK and KITD so do your work and remember to have your pets spayed and neutered.