The market was up today as apparently it has been corrected like Stevie Wonder's vision or Larry Craig's family values. With Europe now fixed, unemployment shrinking, and monkeys flying out Money McBags butt, it should be back to lobster tails and BJs in no time. The good news is that nothing has really changed between today and yesterday, while the bad news is that nothing has really changed between today and yesterday. Money McBags remains more fearful of the markets than he is of supply side economics, Sylvester Stallone's face, and girls with bacne so he is just trying to ride today out until the next correction begins.
In US news, the Senate passed a financial reform bill, despite the protestations of Senator Maria Cantwell who won the Huffington Post's sexiest Senator competition, narrowly edging out Senators Barbara Mikulski (who shocked the judges with a daring hail mary by sporting a thong in the swimsuit competion) and the delightful Mary Landrieu (who tittillated the judges in the talent competition with her pig hunting calls. Soowee indeed.). In the bill, financials will have to go back to their room and think about how they have made the market feel. The legislation includes restrictions on predatory lending (which is bad news for cougars like Kelly Madison who are among the fiercest predators in the animal kingdom), a way to liquidate failed banks without bail outs (like um, doing fucking nothing), and restrictions on derivatives trading (like maybe making sure they all have underlying assets, and Money McBags would love to lie under Lisa Ann's assets). It also creates a “financial stability oversight council” which will exist until it fucks up by watching too much trannie porn like the SEC and a new council is created in ten years to clean up this mess. This council reads like a who's who of economic red tape and includes the Treasury secretary, the chairman of the Federal Reserve, the comptroller of the currency, The "Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase, the director of the new consumer financial protection bureau, the heads of the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, Scrooge McDuck, the director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency, an independent appointee of the president, and Malachi Constant so it goes. Wow. It's like a mental masturbation all-star team where the head of every shitty bureaucracy in the US can get together to form a super bureaucracy and fight off the Legion of Boom. One troubling sign for the markets is that LIBOR rose to a ten month high as risk aversion is back like herpes, since it will never really go away.
In Europe, Germany's lower house (the Bundestag) voted to contribute to Europe's bail out followed by their upper house (the Bundesrat) agreeing as well which made Chancellor Angela Merkel (the Bundeshag) unpopular among the German people. Causing concern in Europe today was that the Markit composite purchasing managers’ index fell in May to 56.2 from 57.3 a month earlier. It was the sharpest fall since February 2009 when managers' subscriptions to Nuts magazine were taken out of the index.
In stock news, DELL beat earnings and revenue guesses but gross margin disappointed like William Henry Harrison's almost neverending inaugural address (I mean I know there was no televsion or movies or Spankwire to get home to, but really Will, couldn't you have skipped all of that Roman history crap and just gone with some war stories and then got the fuck out of there? You know it was fucking snowing, right?) or the Pam Anderson-Tommy Lee sex tape (and calling it a sex tape is phonier advertising than the Ed Asner workout video). Dell not only missed on margins, but they tempered investor expectations by pointing out that the iPad is really fucking cool. In other stock news both Ann Taylor and the GAP put up good quarters and gave solid guidance as mediocre fasion is the new style.
As for small caps, TSYS continues to get hammered and Money McBags will investigate next week. This company should be growing as they offer mobile location based software and text message licenses so it is curious that their performance seems to be more stagnant than Mitt Romney's political career. Money McBags has had a busy day so he apologizes for the lack of new research, next week he will get back to analyzing companies and trying to make money in a market that is rigged against retail investors. He remains very concerned about a big market drop next week but until then, he hopes you have a good weekend and tell a few thousand friends about When Genius Prevailed.