The market tried to rally today like a drunken hobo lying in a pool of his own vomit reaching for the discarded fifth of whiskey by his side to try to taste one last drop. Unfortunately the last drop turned out to be another hobo's urine as Money McBags hasn't seen a rally less believable since John Edwards' ended his presidential campaign. Yesterday's reversal had given investors confidence that perhaps the market had reached a technical support level (until that technical support level fails again), while common sense should have told them that shit is still worse than Stephen Hawking's time in the 40 yard dash. Helping the market today, other than cognitive dissonance, was the report on new home sales which showed sales climbed 15% in April, triple analyst guesses which makes it one of their most accurate guesses of the year. Of course sales were once again helped by government tax incentives and bedrooms being wallpapered with posters of Olivia Munn. Also helping sales was the median home price dropping 10% to $198k which is the lowest it has been since December 2003 and means people are not just losing money in the market but also in real estate. Finally orders for durable goods jumped 2.9% to their highest level since September 2008 but they fell by 1% excluding transportation and the 228% rise in bookings for aircraft. The number was less impressive than a George Will stand-up routine and does note bode well for continued economic recovery.
Internationally, European markets rose a bit even with the EU talking about taxing banks to pay for their future fuck ups. Money McBags applauds the move but wonders why the EU doesn't just better regulate them or find a more efficient financial system. They are basically saying, "you can't be trusted not to fuck shit up again, and even though we already require you to hold reserves because there is systematic risk in what you do, you do it so poorly that unsystematic risk is less diversifiable than the crowd at a Charlie Daniels Band concert, so we're going to proactively make you pay for the shit you are inevitably going to fuck up." So good for the EU. Also, noted economists are out saying Greece is going to either need a debt restructuring, is going to default, or is going to have to start charging for sodas. Economist Steve Hanke and Nobel Prize winning economist (which is a bit like being the world's tallest midget or the Kardashian with the fewest STDs) Robert Mundell were both on record talking about Greece's problems. Mundell, who was one of the leaders in the development of supply side economics and the creation of the Euro which gives him all of the credibility to speak about Europe's debt situation as Mr. T, Professor John Frink, and my left nut said a Greek default may be "inevitable." Now look, Money McBags hates to nitpick (unless the nit resides on Imogen Thomas' and he is doing the picking) especially as Money McBags treats the english language like Joan Crawford treated her kids as he splits his infinitives more frequently than a diarrhetic splits their butt cheeks, but how is it possible that something "may be inevitable?" By definition, the word inevitable mean "unable to be avoided." So how the fuck can something maybe be avoided if one is unable to avoid it? Chicken meet egg, egg meet chicken, now go screw. It's just not logically possible, like a funny Dane Cook stand up routine or an MC Esher designed house. Instead of saying it "may be inevitable" the great supply sider should have just said the debt restructuring is evitable which is the correct fucking word for what he was describing. Ugh. And yet someone listened to this dickbag enough to give him a prize other than a booby prize (though to be fair, Money McBags hopes to one day win a booby prize)? Anyway, Mundell thinks the Euro needs to be strengthened rather than put out to pasture like Nell Carter after Gimme a Break, while Mr. Hanke thinks that Greece is likely going to default and thus all of the Euro bailouts will have been for naught. Money McBags isn't sure what to think other than that everything is currently more fucked than a rent boy in George Rekers' european vacation suite.
In stock news, who cares, it's all going down.